my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
