oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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