My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
