i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
