you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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