I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
