I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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