what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
