I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
