Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
