Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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