Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
