My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.