SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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