Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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