T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
