Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
