I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
