Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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