Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
