Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
