apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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