i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
