dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
