Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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