Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
