her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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