Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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