Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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