you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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