I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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