I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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