i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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