apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
