benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
