Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
