meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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