he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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