im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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