Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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