U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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