if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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