I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
