I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
