we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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