I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
