Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
