FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
