So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
