It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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