I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
