Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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