I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
