Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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