you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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