She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
