I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
