Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
