I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
