have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
