there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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